Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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