Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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