i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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