I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
