I just threw up on my dentist
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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