dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
