1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Screwed.edu
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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