i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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