i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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