I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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