I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
