Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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