Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
