i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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