Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
they need to just BURY HIM!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Alive.
So much puke
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
