Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
