Buhtt sex?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
