the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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