I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
