Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
