I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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