nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
