Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
