They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize