She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
