my phone needs a breathalizer
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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