the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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