Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
