he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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