You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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