What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I touched a dick in church today
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
