The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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