Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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