sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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