he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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