btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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