Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And then my night got REAL pukey
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
