New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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