how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
