Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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