Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
