Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
