I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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