We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize