I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
