okay pat passed out under dana's car
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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