So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
