That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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