in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
