I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
