God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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