Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
