My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
