one two three fourrrrnication!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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