During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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