My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
