dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
