You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize