Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
