Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
