you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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