what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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