I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize