why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
