I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize