So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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